But do you wonder?

I got married last year at the age of 33 with a 10 year old daughter. I'd lived in my own house and taken care of myself for many years. I wasn't entirely set in my ways but I did have a comfortable routine. I'd always seen marriage in my future but didn't really understand the entire commitment that it involved. I mean, I thought I did. Much like I thought I understood what it was like to be a mother. But do you really understand?

I love my husband and I'm really happy but I remember questioning whether or not I was making the right decision. I remember my best friend telling me after she had been married for about a year that it had been really hard. I love Paul and I could see my life with him forever but I just still wondered. Now, after more than a year of marriage I still see my life with him forever. I can hear us talking about our children and grandchildren and I look forward to the possibility of celebrating 40 years of marriage. Maybe even 50. I talk everything out with him and no longer question myself when talking to him about the tough stuff. I made the right decision, which honestly I didn't question. But for some reason I still wondered if marrying him was what I was destined to do. Was he "the one" that I dreamed of all my life?

Do you ever wonder?

The difference in two people

My sister and I are two years apart. I'm the baby of the family so not surprisingly I looked up to her all my life. She was always cooler and smarter and had so many awesome friends. I was fortunate or not so fortunate to rarely have to live in her shadow at school until high school. My freshman year was the first time since I was in 1st grade that we'd been in school together. And that freshman year was tough. I worried like heck about her because she was popular and ran with a cool crowd that I knew was doing thing I would never have done in high school. Nevertheless, she rocked in my book. She could sing, she had the most gorgeous long brown hair and amazingly blue eyes that I could only wish I had.

Even after we graduated high school she was so cool to me. She got her degree and immediately started a job as a physical therapist. I believe her starting salary out of college was somewhere in the 30K area, huge money for a college freshman who had only made $10 an hour at most. She bought a Saturn, a sporty car that I drove every chance I got. She could do no wrong in my book although she was still turning my mother's hair gray.

As we got older I realized she was just as human as I am. I graduated college, made lots of mistakes and was chastised by her more than once. Yet she stepped off that unobtainable pedestal eventually. I think it was when we both became parents. I saw that she struggled just like I did. Now, as our oldest children are 10 and 12 she's not quite as grand as she once was. She posted on her facebook page recently that even though she and her husband have good paying jobs they jump from one financial crisis to another. That's one thing I've finally gotten a handle on. I have plenty of stuff. I've also learned that I can live very nicely without a lot of stuff. I've finally paid off all those credit cards I ran up when I graduated from college and thought my $24K job would allow me to buy the world. I drove my 1998 minivan until it died (and long after I'd paid it off) and I've had a lot of help from my parents. However, I'm at the point in my life when I can finally give a little bit back. Now I certainly do still take hand outs. My mother just bought a new bed for Emma for her birthday. But at least I took her to lunch when we bought it. And we finally bought a "new" car (an '06 mini van with 47K miles) but we'll drive that until it dies too. Money will likely never be free flowing for us but we live and pay our bills. We'll be better off when we only have one house payment (anyone need a house in Southfield, MI?) and we pay off Emma's braces but we're doing alright.