One step forward and at least one step back

Paul and I went to see a specialist this week about getting pregnant. We're both healthy and relatively young so I thought it was time to find out why we just haven't been successful in our endeavors. We saw a doctor who I am very impressed with. He recommended three tests and then told us we'd regroup after all three were completed and figure out what the deal is. Paul and I both agreed. It just happened that I could get in the following day for one of the three tests. A test I'd had done before where they would do an ultrasound of my uterus and insert saline so they could get a clearer picture of what they were looking at. It wasn't a terribly pleasant test the first time but I could survive it a second time. So, the following day I arrived at the office ready. The results were disconcerting but not terribly shocking. He found a fibroid that's about an inch long off to the right side. It is up high enough that it seems to be blocking the right tube and almost definitely eliminating the possibility of anything traveling down to attempt to be fertilized. He doesn't see that there's any option besides having it removed. So, I'm looking at surgery #3 on my uterus. I've found it very easy to speak so matter-of-factly about it all. I'm not afraid and maybe I should be. I know what the surgery is like and I understand the recovery. It's not something that I want to do but I recognize it as being something that I really have no option in. The only difference in this case is that it's a new doctor and it will be a new hospital. I'm trying to look at it as just another adventure on my quest to get pregnant.

As I was leaving the doctor's office on Friday and calling Paul with the results I half wondered if/when he's going to tell me that maybe having a baby is not on God's agenda for us. And I really hope that he doesn't. In all my years, I've never wanted to have an only child. I want Emma to have a sibling. I want to have another baby. And that's just really all there is to it.